Thirty Love

"The most important thing a Father can do for his children is to love their Mother."
-Father Ted Hesburgh – President, University of Notre Dame 1952-1987

My first crush was Kim Wolf. I remember that she had this beautiful olive skin, gorgeous dark brown hair, penetrating eyes and a teasing Mona Lisa smile. And it could have been a mutual crush as far as I knew, but at the time I hadn’t the courage or wherewithal to act upon it. I was six. Below are pictures from my class party on Valentine's Day 1966. And as evidenced by the pictures below we were grievously segregated, boys from girls, by that heartless Mrs. Hallstrom on this otherwise splendid day for wooing. I’m second from the left in the back row. My mother dressed me in a white turtleneck shirt and a red sweater with a black striped v-neck. Why couldn't I have been the cowboy? My enchantress is second from the right in the back row.

My next measurable crush was Denise James. And at sixteen, I was slightly more courageous. We met in Mr. Schultz's tenth grade study hall. She would attend to her studies rather seriously and I would make noises and devise pranks in general defiance of authority and in certain obstruction of my proper education. Obviously this strategy served me well because thirty four years later, Denise and I have just celebrated our Thirtieth Wedding Anniversary. And of all the pictures I remember from our youth, this one she gave me in the tenth grade is the one that reminds me the most of her today...although she would probably disagree.

In preparation for our first date I spruced myself up in my finest white pants and a dark blue big collared silky shirt with enormous orange flowers...whoa! With my crazy long hair and this spectacular 70’s wardrobe I was brimming with false confidence. And to this day I thank God that a similar image has never darkened the door at our current home in pursuit of one of our three daughters. I'm not sure what I would do. Incidentally, it would be two years until John Travolta would legitimize this look in the opening street strutting scene in Saturday Night Fever…“Ah, ha, ha, ha, Stayin' alive. Stayin' alive.” Anyway, we went bowling and Denise crushed me all over again.

By the time our senior prom rolled around, we had been dating for almost a year. And for this special occasion I selected the coolest tux and largest black velvet bow tie that $35 could rent. I can't tell from this picture if Denise is thinking "this dude is so hot!" or "what's up with that ruffly shirt and clown tie?" I would give anything now to have that tux at my disposal on Halloween. Or just to randomly wear to the office or out to eat with friends.

We were both about to begin our third year at the University of Nebraska when we were married. It was August 11, 1979 – two years after the world saw Saturday Night Fever and Denise had me dressed in a Travolta-esque white tux. It's an embarrassing costume by today’s standards but less so than that funkity prom costume that I had selected for myself.

On January 2, 1983 Denise delivered me to the airport in Omaha and we would say good-by for four months that seemed like forever. I would spend those months abroad studying in London and traveling throughout the UK as part of my graduate degree in architecture. And Denise, a recent Business graduate would remain in Lincoln at her new job and would send me letters, pictures and money. I missed her terribly and thought of her constantly. I cherished those precious photos from home and her conveyance of memories from many missed family events. And we vowed to never be apart from each other again.

In late April of that year Denise flew to Athens, Greece for a much awaited rendezvous. We would then travel together through Greece, Italy, Switzerland, Germany, France and England. This was a great time in our lives and we grew so much in mind and spirit and commitment through the hardship of this experience. I think that we continue to connect the adversity and triumph of travel with the delight of this rendezvous. And traveling together has remained a constant passion of ours for all these years since.

Our first of three daughters was born nine months and ten days after Athens. We were young and knew nothing of parenting but we loved this precious little souvenir from Italy with all our hearts and we knew that our lives could never be the same.

We moved our little family from Lincoln to Omaha after my graduation in December of 1984. And in 1987 our second daughter M blessed our lives. It's funny how one love becomes two and two becomes three without ever diminishing it's divided self. And in a few years, little sister M and big sister J would learn this truth for themselves with the arrival of baby K.

Over the years our wedding anniversary has often been observed as somewhat of a family event as opposed to a private celebration for two. The family and the marriage are after all, direct extensions of each other. We’ve never found the logic in separating the two.

The customary anniversary dinner for five was kicked up a notch in 1999. For our twentieth anniversary we boarded our first cruise. The five of us sailed to San Juan, St Thomas and Tortola.

For our twenty-fifth anniversary in 2004 we fulfilled a twenty year long dream and returned once again to London and Paris - this time with our daughters. We loved sharing the places and memories from such an important part of our past.

This year in consideration of our past, present and future, I changed it up a bit and with the unanimous encouragement of three daughters, I went the traditional surprise jewelry route.

And now as I reflect on all these past thirty years and all of our collective memories together, I can barely suppress my eagerness for the future as our daughters embark on their independent journeys and assemble their own collection of memories. And I pray that we will continue to be a part of their journies and that their lives will remain as blessed as Denise and our girls have made mine.